The Subtle Power of Words

The Subtle Power of Words: Understanding the impact of our phasing in Ministry

By Newman, Writer at Grief Blooms

In our ministry and everyday interactions, words have immense power. As LGBTQ ministers, our mission is to uplift, nurture, and guide others with truth. But we must also be vigilant about the words and phrases we use, especially when those words can unknowingly assist in the subtle, destructive work of evil. Two of the most commonly misunderstood and dangerous phrases we hear in ministry and everyday life are: “making someone feel” and “they made me feel.”

At first glance, these phrases may seem harmless, even helpful. We’ve all heard them, and likely used them. But these words contradict how God works in our lives, why Christ came to set us free, and the presence of the Holy Spirit who moves in us and through us. They shift the power of our emotions and healing to someone else, a tactic that serves no purpose other than to weaken us spiritually and emotionally.

The Power of Words and Their Spiritual Impact

We all need connection. It’s in our design. When we feel connected to others, we experience the life-giving sensations of being seen, heard, and understood. However, we often fail to recognize that subtle manipulations can occur in everyday language. As ministers, we must be aware of this and avoid the unintended consequence of using phrases that fuel an insidious form of control over our thoughts and emotions.

When we say, “you made me feel” or “they made me feel,” we give away our God-given authority over our own hearts and emotions. This is not just semantics; it’s a spiritual truth. By using these phrases, we shift responsibility for our feelings onto someone else and, in doing so, open the door to manipulation—allowing others, or worse, the forces of darkness, to take control of our inner world.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” This scripture reminds us that our words hold the power to either uplift or destroy. When we declare that someone else made us feel a certain way, we are effectively handing over the steering wheel of our emotions. We must learn to reframe our understanding and say, “I felt this way,” rather than giving others the power over our emotional state.

God’s Desire for Ownership and Accountability

Jesus came to give us life abundantly (John 10:10). He didn’t come so that we could live bound by the manipulations of others or by the lies of the enemy. He came so that we could take ownership of our lives, our feelings, and our healing. The Holy Spirit works within us to guide and comfort, not to control or dictate how we should feel.

Romans 12:2 teaches us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” This transformation begins with taking responsibility for our feelings, rather than placing them in someone else’s hands. The moment we say “they made me feel,” we allow ourselves to be conformed to worldly ways of thinking, rather than being renewed in our minds through Christ.

The Role of Ministers: Be Careful with Language

As LGBTQ ministers, we carry a significant responsibility in how we speak and teach. By unwittingly using phrases like “making someone feel” or “they made me feel,” we risk contributing to the very destructive work of Satan we seek to counter. These phrases are subtle lies that shift focus away from the truth of personal responsibility and spiritual growth. We must stop saying we can “make someone feel heard.” Instead, we can provide a space for people to recognize that they are being listened to, but the emotions they experience are theirs alone to own.

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Our words as ministers should empower others, helping them realize their authority over their own feelings and their ability to live free in Christ.

A Plan of Action for Change

Here’s how we can stop practicing these subtle, self-sabotaging habits in our language:

1. Recognize the Power of Your Words: Speak life into situations. Avoid phrases that shift emotional responsibility onto others.

2. Take Ownership of Your Feelings: Replace “they made me feel” with “I felt.” This reframes your experience in a way that is both truthful and empowering.

3. Educate Others in Your Ministry: As LGBTQ ministers, lead by example. Teach others that their feelings are their own, and that true healing begins with accepting ownership of those feelings.

4. Use Scripture as a Guide: Reference Proverbs 18:21, John 10:10, and Romans 12:2 to remind yourself and others that God has called us to live abundantly and freely, not bound by the words or actions of others.

Commonly Used Expressions that Could Feed Self-Sabotaging Beliefs:

1. "I can’t help the way I feel"
   This phrase suggests that our emotions are completely out of our control, reinforcing a sense of helplessness.

2. "I’ll never be good enough"
   This self-defeating statement feeds insecurity and makes it harder to accept God’s unconditional love and grace.

3. "They made me feel"
   This phrase gives away emotional ownership and suggests that others have control over your feelings, undermining personal responsibility for one's emotional state.

4. "I should be stronger"
   Implies that vulnerability and emotional struggles are signs of weakness rather than part of being human.

5. "This always happens to me"
   A victim mentality that locks one into believing they're constantly subject to negative circumstances without control or power to change them.

6. "God won’t give you more than you can handle"
   Commonly misused scripture. It refers to God protecting us from temptations that could overwhelm us. The key word is temptations, not general life struggles.

7. "My heart is broken"
   While meant to express deep emotional pain, this phrase can send a subconscious signal of continued, unresolved suffering. To avoid self-sabotage, it's important to explain or acknowledge why your heart feels broken, e.g., “My heart feels broken because I’m feeling abandoned, left alone, rejected, etc.”

Conclusion

As ministers, we are called to be conduits of God’s truth and love. The phrases “making someone feel” and “they made me feel” subtly chip away at our spiritual freedom and must be handled with care. Let us be mindful of how we communicate, taking ownership of our emotions and guiding others to do the same, in order to live fully in the freedom Christ has given us.

By reframing how we speak and view our emotions, we can step into the abundant life that Jesus promised and ensure we’re not unknowingly contributing to the destructive work of the enemy. As LGBTQ ministers, we have a unique platform to teach others about self-empowerment and God’s unconditional love, fostering a spiritual environment that heals and uplifts everyone in our care.